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What I Would Memorialize
Something that I would most treasure is a ring that was given to my mother 30 something years ago. I was always attracted to it ever since I was young and on my 25th birthday she gave it to me and told me that it was from my biological father that I've never met even to this day. I will be getting married soon and I will be using my ring that was passed down to me. Hopefully I will pass it to my daughters. This ring has a lot of meaning to me, it's the only connection I have to my biological father. Ê We Learned Everything in Kindergarten As I sit here and write this I can't help but think about my past experiences, trials and tribulations. See everything we will ever need to know on how to do life, we have already learned in kindergarten. I can say that since my time here I have had many Aha moments or realizations. One of the main reasons I've been put here is to learn how to follow directions. Some of the life lessons I'm talking about are: Say sorry when you hurt somebody, clean up your mess and put things back where you find them. One of the main reasons I could never stay clean was due to the lack of information I had. Not to say that the information wasn't available I just couldn't hear it or wasn't ready to. I know my way wasn't working, but as to why it wasn't was the question. Thus my vicious cycle of life continued. What we need to ask ourselves is why do we say no to our kids. To protect them, to guide them to teach them to be happy, healthy human beings. How are they supposed to follow directions if we can't follow simple directions. I made my life difficult momentarily and then took something to feel better. Six months ago if I were asked, I would say jail sucks. Today I see this place as the last line of defense. I'm very grateful today. When I leave here I will not only have completed my jail sentence, but graduated from kindergarten.
Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê By: Miss D.A.M.
My Addiction took me places far and beyond Recovery is crucial can no longer be prolonged Just a few months ago those words I entertained in my head Ôtil I took myself to a place where my spirit was broken almost dead Captured and cuffed Rescued and saved It's no longer dope that I want To live my life is now what I crave NO REGRETS! JUST LIFE......... Ê One Of My Biggest Traumas My biggest trauma in my life was when my mother had a stroke. I was 16 years old. It occurred on my sixteenth birthday, so much of a birthday. I felt so scared, lost, confused, and at fault. I felt my mother was going to leave me forever. She in a coma, unable to move and unaware of anything that was going on around her. It tore me apart to see her when I did in the hospital. As soon as I walked in the door I seriously felt so small, hallow and every step I would take felt like I was sinking into the ground. When I approached the side of my mother and saw her beautiful, hurting warm face. Being the big sister to my middle sister which we were only a year apart I tried to be very strong to hold in my expressions and tears so she would not be scared because she looked up at me to see if my mom was alright cause she at the time wasn't able to see her because of her age. Going home that day was very hard for me, I love my mother unconditionally. When it was time to eat dinner my sister and I helped my father cook dinner. I felt so lost without her being there, away from us, but we pulled through to help our father. My father is a wonderful and beautiful husband. He stood by mother's side and made sure that all of us were ok. I can't remember a time he wasn't by her side because when he wasn't I was in school. He was at work. When we came home from school at 3pm my father arrived always at 5pm or 6pm when he hit traffic. My mother was always there when we came home from school. There has never been a day my mother wasn't home, even today. Having to go through not having my mother and only my father was hard because I had a school dance and my father took me to get a dress and that was weird, but now I look at it, wow that is so nice to have a father be there for my mother. I look at it now, it's not much of a trauma because I'm older to recognize the ways and when I was young I did not understand much but my father tried to let us now as well as my mother. When I was younger, yes it was a trauma to me. My mother came out of her coma, having a stroke she did a lot of therapy. My mother went through so much. She's a beautiful woman I admire her strength, unconditional love, and commitment to us and my father. I see now what I have been missing while I was in my disease and I am not going to let that go. When I get out of here I will take what I learned and share it with my family and new friends I make from my meetings that I will go to when I get out from RCP. Ê My Painful Reality Painful reality to me means that when I slow down and take inventory I realize what the heck the truth about my situation is. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. And avoidance would be the key denial strategy that I've used, like avoiding meetings, avoiding the addiction topic period. By avoiding I've created a huge mess for myself. Which is gonna take far more time, effort and dedication to break thru and get some change. And whether I'd like to admit it or not the painful reality is that I must do the hard work, whatever it takes one day at a time to succeed in life. Had I knew this coming out of jail last time. I even prayed about it, asked my teacher about it and received my third confirmation the day I left jail and I just did not want to do the hard work. Hard work pays off it always has. I will relearn to do hard work. My life depends on it. I can do it!! I believe in myself. Let my life be a reflection of my hard work.Ê
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