Dating a Baby's Daddy
Story by Jessica Valadez // art by Thuy Ngo

It has only been two years since I graduated high school and I know that I need to move on into adulthood. This is the point in my life where I have to decide what I want to do and how I want to live my life. I am currently working three different jobs and I am a full time student in college. Within the next coming years I look forward to getting married and having children. However, my case is not the same as many of my friends and family.

I know people my age and even younger who already have children of their own. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I just know I'll be ready to have kids after I'm married and settled down in my own home. I know I don't have any kids and I'm happy that way, but a lot of people my age do, which means their is a good change that the guys I meet may be young parents already.

How is it going to be dating a guy with kids? The truth is, in my experience it has become somewhat of a problem. I'm not saying that their kids are a burden, but I'm saying that when it comes to us being in a relationship, I believe the kids come first.

Recently, I was in a situation where I had to come to terms with that. I was dating a wonderful guy, he had all I ever wanted in a man. He was smart, handsome, had his own business, drove a nice car and lived in a decent place. For sure he was a keeper and there was no way I was letting him go! Firsthand, he told me that we weren't looking to get too serious and that he had a four-year-old daughter. I ,of course, respected his wishes and also took into consideration that he had someone else to care for besides himself. Because of the fact that I respected his wishes, I asked him to take into consideration my only wish -- to not introduce me to his daughter unless he thought I was going to stay in his life for a long time. The reason being was for her, it could be damaging to have people come in and out of her life and for me, because I didn't want to get attached.

It took him a while to introduce me to his daughter and eventually he bought her around. I remember the first time I laid my eyes on her, he walked in carrying her in his arms and she looked over at me smiling and giggling with joy. From then on I fell in love. With her. I had a good time when it was just the three of us. It felt like a family. When we were out in public, some mistakenly thought she was my daughter. Their comments got me think of the bigger picture, how was I making things look? Was I ready to play the role of “step-mom?”

Besides that fact, I didn't want to tread too deep in the waters. As my relationship with him began to grow, so did my feelings. The more I fell for him, the more I wanted to be with him, the more I wanted his attention.

Then came the times where he couldn't be with me because he was with his daughter, or the other times when he couldn't do this or do that because of the fact he has a kid. I didn't mean to act spoiled, but how can you try to be with someone if you can't sit down and get to know them? When it comes to a relationship it takes two people, not one.

Like I said, I know that his child comes first, but it felt like at this moment in his life there is not enough room for all of us. I took the initiative to just up and leave. It was hard to come to terms with how we said good-bye, but I figure this way that all three of us might be happy.