My American Size Doesn't Fit in My Asian Clothes
Story and Art by Thuy Ngo

I went   out with my mom one night   to the Asian plaza that was a little ways down from our house.   I had been meaning to go out to do some light shopping , because I needed some dress pants   that I needed for an occasion   that I had to go to soon. My mom said she knew of this one particular Vietnamese store in the area because she had shopped there before for pants. The lady was an acquaintance of   my mom, who met her the last time my mom was there.   The lady handed me a pair of small sized pants.   My mom put it back asking for a larger size after holding the pants up to me, only to look down,   shaking her head in disappointment.    We all finally settled on a size: XL: Extra Large.  

I felt so humiliated. Here I am with my mom, in this Vietnamese store, and in Vietnamese she is explaining to me what translates to, “Honey, you got too much junk in the trunk.”

Being an Asian American woman means   having a standard that is incredibly thin, weighing maybe   100 pounds,   being small,   and meek.   Being5'5 is considered tall.   It is out own version of unrealistic Barbie doll ideas of beauty.   The ideal standards of beauty in the two cultures: American and Asian, are   both equally harsh and   virtually impossible for most of us to live up to, but at least there is room for the plus sized woman in American   textile markets.   As a Vietnamese woman   shopping in Vietnamese stores,   I feel I am not Asian enough to shop in those stores, because I am too big for their sizes.   Their standard of what an Asian woman should look like is an attack on my sense of self. Your question might be “Why not shop at another store? Wouldn't it be easier?” I feel that I can so I do, but why should I have to?

I knew I gained a little weight, but this situation at the store was horrible.   As I remember it, I used to be a medium in Vietnamese standards.   I still am in American sizes.   I am a 21-year-old woman,   5'7,and weighing maybe 130 pounds.   This size is considered an average proportion for American women.   But by Vietnamese fashion standards, those dimensions are definitely not medium. In Vietnamese fashion sizes, a medium size is designed for a young   girl of perhaps 12 to 15 years of age in sizes for the average American women.    People generally have smaller body structures in Asia, or namely Vietnam, but that leaves us Asian-Americans who are not so “small” or fit, stuck.

At the store, I was left thinking, “What am I going to do?” There has to be some place of for us average Asian-American female folks who want to fit still shop at clothing stores of our cultures without having to wear the “XL” tag, if there are any clothes at all that fit us.   I was humiliated and enraged at the time, being I did not want to come to believe that   I was obese, because I am not. I do not want to go on a diet. I do not want to join a gym. However, in the end,   I guess there was nothing to do, so I did buy those pants. My mom shouting,   “Her butt's too big!” didn't help either.

I do not generally shop at Asian stores as I did when I was younger,   but I will continue   because I am not going to let the fashion industry make me feel bad for wanting clothes that from my culture.

After we left, and I told me cousin the story, she comforted me by saying, “Don't be ashamed . Booty is a beautiful thing.”

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