Can I Survive?
Poem by Debbie Budnick

memories of you haunt me

            day and night, paralyzing

                        my every movement, my every thought

                                    of existence depends on you

for you raped my body, my mind,

            my soul from its own existence

                        of well-being, of happiness,

                                    but, most of all, willingness to survive

the pain I endured for you

            never ends, never ceases to exist

I cry, waiting for, and wanting,

            my own life back, my own existence,

                        I want my happiness

I want to love and trust

            people again, to know them

                        for who they are

                                    not for who you are and forever will be

the sleepless nights are caused

            by you alone, not me, for fear

                        of my life I gave in, haunted

                                    forever by your wants and my fear

many waking hours I dream

            of the day I can love and trust,

                        mostly trust, another human again

you raped my body, my mind, and my soul

            from its own existence, its well-being,

                        my happiness, my willingness to survive

can I really survive

really survive totally