Nothing Could Prepare Me
Divorce After Twenty Years
Poem by Jessica “Dazel” Valadez
Art by Adrian Avila

This is probably one of the most personal and sacred poems I have ever written. However, it was inspired by one of the most crucial events in my life. My parents divorced after 20 years of marriage and nothing could prepare me for the hardships that were to come my way...

Part I

Where did the past 20 years go?
Now you're acting like you don't know.
I'm tired! Hearing cries every night, “baby…please don't go.”
Every river has stopped it's flow.
Now you say you found someone new.
Mommy's skies are no longer blue,
Why did you do it dad?
I'm disappointed in you.
Why should mom spend her life in misery?
While your life is glistening
While you look to your future,
I'm watching every petal from my flower wither.
Seeing my whole life pass me by,
Watching my whole family die.
You vowed you'd always stay forever,
What a lie dad, take with you the stormy weather

Part II

It's been a year since their break up and some things have settled and other haven't. It went from me having to be able to live without both of my parents together, to me having to be the foundation for all of us. I would have never thought that I'd be in the position to take care of all us emotionally. I thought things would subside, but now I know my journey for inner peace is just beginning...

Last time I spoke of withering flowers and a broken family,
and seeing a 20 year marriage dissolve into nothing.
It's been a year since that day and the torment is still there.
But I can't turn my back and act like I don't care.
I have the difficult job of being the foundation,
feeling like whatever happens now is my creation.
I could make it, break it or mold it...
Fold it, hold it, Love it, or Hate it.
But it's so overwhelming sometimes I just wanna throw it away,
Or put it aside and save it for another day.
It's not fair when Dad is consumed with alcohol
And Mom's heart hit an unbreakable wall.
Why am I left with the broken pieces?
And my wings are held back with leashes.
Gradually I may die inside,
Cause the most sacred thing to me needs me to survive.
I don't know if this love/hate thing has any limits
I can't control it, it's not my world...
I'm just living in it.

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