The Roots of a Woman
Putting Down the Make-Up
Story by Jessica Valadez

Looking around me, it seems like everyone is trying to make a fashion statement. Every style from hip hop to grunge can be found on the streets of San Jose. People shopping at name brand stores and others shopping at the Goodwill, trying to emulate a style that they see on TV. In my eyes, the clothes don't make the person, the person makes the clothes.

I remember that was me, the superficial woman who spent hours in front of the mirror. I was always thinking about what I was going to wear the next day, trying to figure out how I was going to do my make-up, should my hair be up or down, curly or straight. I would spend hours over what accessories I should wear, then after I was done with that, I started being my own worst critic. Wishing my hair was longer, my thighs were a little bit thinner, or that I was just a little taller.

I was so wrapped up in trying to impress other people that I didn't realize what I was doing to myself. I didn't know I was hurting myself and putting myself down. I was so obsessed with wanting the best clothes, spending $40 on jeans, $30 on shirts, $80 for my purses and over $100 for my shoes. Then to top it off I was spending hundreds of dollars for my make up--$30 for foundation, $20 for lip gloss and so on, I refused to wear any other brand but MAC, a topnotch brand. I wouldn't even leave the house if my look wasn't flawless. Believe it or not, it even got to the point where when special occasions came up and people gave me gifts, most of what I got were gift certificates from the only store I would shop at.

Everyone told my I was trippin', throwing away hard earned money on things that weren't even worth it. I honestly didn't seem to care because it wasn't my money I was spending, it was my parents money. I figured because I was the only child and that I did good in school that I deserved it. Sometimes I felt like that excuse was just a way of me denying the truth to myself. My fear was a wall for me that I could not triumph, I was scared to tell myself that my worth wasn't in the way I looked or dressed, it was all in my mind. Looking back it hurts knowing that I put myself through this kind of torment.

Then, I had personal experience that completely changed my point of view. I came into this De-Bug family, they made me see things through different eyes. Just talking to them and feeling the love that they had to give completely gave me a 360 attitude adjustment. I finally met people who didn't care what others thought of them, who cared about working with the community and giving to others. It was a reality check, I was finally somewhere where I could be my real self. I was emancipated from the bondage of self-consciousness.

Now I look back and I realize how much I was caught up in this world that only I could have lived in the movies. It's no longer about other people's judgments or premonitions, the most important thing to me now is me, how Ithink about myself and how I feel. I have honestly come to realize that the way you feel about yourself reflects on how other people look at you. You have to look at the interior cause it's easy to change your looks but much more difficult to change your personality.