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WHY DON'T YOU DRESS LIKE A GIRL?
A Vallejo teen and her mother fight gender discrimination at school
Story and photo by G. Melesaine

"You're ungodly and you are going to hell." These were the words that were said to a student from Ms. Clark, a teacher at Jesse Bethel High School in Vallejo, California who is in charge of the education testing at the school.

Jesse Bethel High sits at the top of Vallejo and has a digital sign in the front of the school, scrolling back and forth dates of sports games and holidays. As much as the school looks good from the outside, what goes on inside is a completely different.

The student, 15-year-old Rochelle, has attracted a certain animosity from a number of Jesse Bethel staff. Is it because she is a female? Maybe because she's African-American? Maybe because she's gay? Maybe because of her sagging pants?   Rochelle and her mother have been fighting for the answer over the last few months only to be told to keep their mouth shut from the principal. Literally. On one of the initial conversations the family had with the school, they were told to "zip it" and to let the school handle it.

Rochelle's struggle though represents a larger hidden one happening all over the country. To be gay and have a style that doesn't fit the standard gender paradigm in school still carries a tremendous discrimination.

When I meet Rochelle at her home, she sits nervously on her living room piano stool with her cornrows perfectly braided, wearing baggy clothes waiting to be interviewed. Her freckles are from her mother who sits across from me, an older woman wearing a tie-dye shirt who shares the same smile as her daughter.

Rochelle recalls the first confrontation which occurred on September 25, 2007 that has sparked her and her mother's indignation. She tells the story of an incident in her biology class. After her teacher, Ms.Cayme, mistakenly accused Rochelle of letting another student into the classroom that did not belong there, Ms. Cayme let her true feelings show. ÒAfter calling me a fool and being ignorant, she said, 'You don't know what you are.   You don't know if you're a man or a woman,'" says Rochelle. With every action comes a reaction, and Rochelle began to argue, which gets her sent to the office, kicking the trash can on the way out. The outcome: Rochelle received a three day suspension that soon was reversed after Rochelle's mother met with the principal and questioned their authority.

Rochelle says, "Even before that happened, I had a clue about where she stood, because I was the only student she'd mess with. One day she just walked up to me while I was talking to a friend and said, ÔYou're so pretty.   Why did you do this? Your mom let you be this way?'"

I asked Rochelle if this has happened to any of the other gay students on campus. "Another teacher, Mr. Brooks, told my girlfriend that she was going to get AIDS if she messed with females, and also told me on a different occasion, ÔPut girl clothes on. You are a lady; it's not right to be that way.'"

Rochelle's mother is stunned by the school's discriminatory practice. ÒThe principal, Mr. Ramos, gave a three day suspension to Rochelle without really looking into the matter. So my child sat in the office in a corner without any support from the school -- while this teacher is still teaching other students as if this is ok. Teachers are here to teach not to judge,Ó says Cheri Hamilton, Rochelle's mother. She tells me how it has been hard to also deal with the effect of her daughter's emotional well-being. ÒShe would come home hitting my hallway walls and telling me how mad and angry she is because of the way the teachers keep talking to her. When I look in my child eyes and I see the hurt that this has caused her, it hurts me.Ó

Mrs. Hamilton says the school is trying to keep their case quiet. In a letter in which she noted numerous discriminatory comments made by various teachers towards her daughter, Mrs. Hamilton writes, ÒI send Rochelle to school to receive an education not to be the talk of the school or to be the staff's free outlet to make judgments.Ó

Rochelle says she has not even been able to get support from the traditional avenues. ÒEven the GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) counselor, Ms. Finley, who is in charge with the anger management, told me it was immature to challenge the school, and that discrimination was just something that I'd have to deal with through life.Ó

I called the school who didn't seem pleased to be speaking to me by the tone of their voice, and the principal told me she couldn't comment on the situation. Now if teachers feel justified to judge youth, if counselors say to get used to it, and principals refuse to speak publicly about such hate, who can stop this? As of now, it looks like a mother and daughter team from Vallejo.

Comments On This Story:

Message From Jean Melesaine (gmelesaine@gmail.com)

Everyone should be treated with the same respect and integrity as anyone else no matter the color, gender, sexual orientation,creed or whatever.Whuddup Cheri...sorry the posts took so long=)

Message From: Lisanne & Mickey ( mickey_walke@yahoo.com )

This is UNBELIEVABLE and TOTALLY uncalled for in our opinion!   Wework with Special Needs children every day of our lives and deal withall forms of "hate" and discrimination, too.   It is wrong and unfairto subject a child, especially a young girl who is in these"formative" years to this...   Please know we are praying for you andMs. Rochelle!

Message From: Sandra Kay ( seraphim.books@yahoo.de )

This is outrageous and I am truly upset after reading this story. Isthis what our children should learn ? Is this how our future shouldbe treated ? Simply unbelievable. You have my 100% support !

Message From: Cher ( cgsalguero420@yahoo.com )

This is truly sad. As a mother I know how the mother feels, mystep-daughter faces discrimination from her own relatives justbecause she is a tomboy, but I fight everyday just to see that lovelysmile on her face rather than tears.

Message From: Rachel ( bldsukr@hotmail.com )

These staff members need to be   punished for the way they havetreated your daughter.   Do not let this go, keep up the fight. Youhave so many of us out here that got your back! God Bless the both ofyou!

Message From: Mastiff ()

One has to wonder, with all the attention to problems in today'sschools, with survey after survey indicating that this type ofbullying behavior can lead to extreme violence (think schoolshootings) -- how did presumably well educated teachers become thebullies?If a child is held to a standard of zerotolerance, from kindergarten on, for doing things like drawing apicture of a gun, or a cross, or calling a child by a derogatoryname, why are teachers repeatedly allowed the luxury of completefreedom to break policy.   I can only assume the school has a policyagainst such flagrant comments.If this was mychild, and I had solid proof of the allegations, IÍd be in contactwith the national media and a good lawyer.

Message From: Heather ( hheatherheath2@yahoo.com )

This is discrimination - and NO ONE has the right to keep you silent!Get legal representation! There has got to be SOMEONE that will bewilling to take your case! You guys keep the fight! You havesupport!!

Message From: Geo ()

I think that someone really needs to get this out there. Call Ellen!Call the local news stations! It is unfair to Rochelle and any gaystudent to be treated this way from anyone especially a teacher. Itis extremely prejudice to judge someone by race, religion, creed,orientation, the way they dress! My name is Geo. I am a high schooldrop out, a lesbian, and a very independent person. I support myself,my animals and I am actually very successful for what I have beenthrough. I gave up school during my SENIOR year of high schoolbecause of such prejudice acts. I used to dress in baggy jeans, shavemy head, wear band t-shirts and mens shoes. I was comfortable. I wascomfortable in my clothing and in my own skin. I had to change almosteverything about myself because 'people don't think I am sociallyacceptable'. The only job I could hold in mens clothing and with amow hawk was fast food. I think it is unfair to me, to Rochelle, andto many other people put in our position that we are stuck betweenwho we are and who society thinks we should be. It is people likethese teachers that make us so unacceptable. It is people that teachhate that make us targets. Targets of jokes, acts of violence, actsof hate. It is people like this that throw milkshakes on lockers,stereotype us, most of all abuse us to the point of death. Weshouldn't have to be afraid of things like this and these people needto realize what they are doing. Get out there. Get this recognized.Scream Rochelle's story out to the press because it is the only waywe are going to eliminate hatred like this.

Message From: Nina ( whitegirlnp215@aol.com )

i think that they should mind there bizness an do what   there ther todo and that is to teach! not to judge anyone about there looks and soon thats like whats going on in my {cousin school}she has got thisteacher that dislikes white people and its sad!! she is only 10 yrsold!! was a str8 a student honor roll and all untill she met thisteacher the teacher coursez and drinks 2 litter bottle soda in glassbrushes her teeth in class eats a whole box pizza in class and hasnerve to judge my little cousin cuz she is a little hevyer thenothers in the class tellin us dont you think it is bothering her sheis not getting alot of attention from   the boys like the other girlxcuse me she is TEN!!!! SHE dont need attention from boys! i said!teachers are not like they should be they worry about everything butwhat they   should! and its not fair!! i hope they do something aboutthis!! they should!!

Message From: Christina ( backseatdriver692000@yahoo.com )

No one has a right to judge anyone thats gods job so tell your daughter be who she wants to be and the rest of them that judge her will some day be judge   by god. Be strong and be who u r dont change just to make them happy

-Message From: Elyse (the.xenophiles.violin@gmail.com)

I must admit I'm in a state of shock from reading this story. The treatment that Rochelle and her mother have received from the staff at her school is completely despicable and unacceptable. Feeling emotionally safe and free to be oneself are basic human rights, and the staff of a school are the last people that should ever violate this, particularly when dealing with a young person. They ought to be ashamed.

Message From: janet   (jlife69@yahoo.com)

Its sad to see how even now with so many gay figures in the world that ignorance is still aloud especially in a school where you learn that hate is wrong when you judge a person by the color of there skin and now you judge a girl by who she wants to share her life with and what she wears that just ingonrant. Keep fighting and don't stop there are group that can help fight this injustice towards your daughter.

Message From: Randy Nicks (randy_nicks@yahoo.com)

This is the year 2008,times have changed and people have changed,we are hundred % behind you. Remember the almighty loves everybody!

Message From: BOOG

it hekka wrong to judge som1 by who they are especially 1 of ma best frends

Message From: Donald Seals (donald_seals@yahoo.com)

I feel that there should ever be a point in a stundents life were they are made fun of because they have the common since to express there self freely like we all should be able to in this day and time with out feel as if were a outcast and that we as a gay teen growing up in the so called land of hope feelin as if were not wanted by the ones that say there here to help us

 

 

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