Missing Pieces
Growing Up in American With Out a Father
Story and Photo by Adrian Avila

Twenty years of my life have gone by, and I am entering a stage of adulthood when it is expected of me to develop into my own person. It’s time for me to stand on my own, not just as a child of my mother and father. The only problem is, I wonder what kind of person I can really become having been raised without a father.

Can people that are raised by a single parent really turn out to be equal to people that grew up having both parents in their lives? Most of me believes that we can, but a piece of me still wonders, especially now.

I have been through a lot of trials in my life that I wish that I had a father around to offer guidance. Although my mother took me away from him, and his possible guidance, she also took me away from all of his faults and evils. She thought it was best for me to grow up away from a man that decided to not be around during my birth. The last time I saw him I was three months old, when my mother and I left Mexico, so he might not even know me as his child.

Even though I always have thoughts of visiting him, I don’t even know where he is or even if he is alive anymore. There have been times when I wish I just had a phone number for him, that I could just pick up a phone and hear his voice.

I grew up hearing all of the other kids talk about their fathers and how they would do all of these great things with them. I always wanted someone to sit and help me work on the car, come to see me at my track meets or to help me out when it came time for me to start talking to girls. I would see my friends with their fathers and feel like something was taken from me that should have automatically been in my life.

Is it not natural for people to be brought up by the two people that created you? I thought so. I was upset because I had done nothing to deserve my isolation. I kept thinking that I did not know the other half of who I was -- that I am missing the other half of me.

Not having a father around also took my mother away from me too at times. She had to work 12-hour shifts everyday to make rent and still try to teach me the lessons that I would need to make it in life. Most of my lessons came from helping her at the restaurant. I still have memories of her standing up to the boss or rude customers. She taught me that I have to stand up in life because if I don’t, people will walk all over me and that the lack of a father just means I have to be stronger.

All I could think about when I was left home alone was how it would be if I had a father in my life. I would imagine what he would look like. People have told me that I shouldn’t think about it too much, but when you feel like half of your person is missing, you can’t help think what he may be like.

My mom would always try to confront me whenever she saw that I was down about not having a dad around. When she would come home she would see me at the kitchen table, and with a strong look on her face would say, “When we get to the top, we will feel better knowing that we got there on our own.” I held on to those words, and also promised myself that my kids will never have to hear them.

Even with out having a father figure I have turned out okay in my life. I have managed to stay out of any real trouble and have found a good path to take for my future. It has not been easy, but in many ways it has made me stronger. It has made me appreciate all of the hard work of my mother and the trials that I have overcome.

Also Read:
Growing Up With No Mother
by Hector Gonzalez